Suicide of Lies
TimeWatch Editorial
May 9, 2016
It might surprise you to know that in today’s world, the truth is rarely a friend. In spite of the frequent use of the word, it is not often a fair description of an answer, a lifestyle or, for that matter a thought. If fact, the Truth About Deception Website reveals that research has discovered that not only is lying fairly common, but for the most part, people are good at it. Most of the lies people tell to their romantic partners, never get discovered. In fact, the odds of getting caught in a lie are very low. It is estimated that people get away with almost all of the lies they tell (well over 95%).
Rick Thomas wrote an article entitled: “Why it is easier to lie than to tell the truth.” In the early ‘90s he earned a BA in Theology. Later he earned a BS in Education. In 1993 he was ordained into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with a MA in Counseling. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow with Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. In speaking about marriages, Rick Thomas says:
“Lying is a pragmatic response for the person who is afraid to love someone well by speaking the truth. We do not want to hurt their feelings. There are many marriages that work this way: one spouse is afraid to speak the truth to the other spouse because of the anger that blows back on the truth-teller. The truth-telling spouse learns to avoid the truth, which eventually builds a cancerous resentment in the soul.” Rick Thomas, “Why it is easier to lie than to tell the truth.”
What is most interesting however is what this counselor has to say about truth and his professional decision making;
“Truth is truth. To take away from the truth is not telling the whole truth. This is where it can become tricky because at times it is not wise to tell the whole truth–at least not in the beginning of a relationship. Like many counseling situations, my goal is not to hide the truth, but to try to discern if/when the person is mature enough to handle the truth.” Rick Thomas, “Why it is easier to lie than to tell the truth.”
You can see his ambivalence. Should he immediately reveal to his patient the true analysis of his condition, or should he withhold the full description until he is prepared to receive the information. Likewise, should the marriage partner hold back relevant information that might produce a negative reaction until such time as they believe their spouse is emotionally prepared to receive it? And what guarantee is thee that the feared reaction will still occur, no matter how long you withhold the whole truth and nothing but the truth? And if so, then would it not be better to never reveal the truth at all? As logical as these questions might at first appear, truth must be delivered even if that delivery creates some tension. We must be thoughtful concerning how the truth is delivered, but it is never safe to avoid it altogether. Sometimes it will cause separation, but an honest separation is better than deceptive togetherness. As Galatians 4 and verse 16 says: “Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?”
David Ropeik of Psychology Today in his article entitled: “Want a healthier longer life? Stop lying!” says:
“Lying is stressful. Stress damages health and accelerates aging. Chronic stress is bad for your health in a lot of ways. (“Chronic” means the kind you don’t get used to – like the hassles of daily commuting – and the kind that bothers you for longer than a couple weeks.) Biochemically, stress means you are in a mini-Fight or Flight mode, and the bodily systems you need to protect yourself are turned up while the systems you don’t need are turned down. That’s fine in the short term, but those systems aren’t designed to STAY turned up or turned down, and if they do, things get out of whack in harmful ways.” David Ropeik, “Want a healthier longer life? Stop lying!”
But perhaps there is a more profound reason for truth telling. The book Adventist Home puts it this way:
He [one who utters falsehood or practices deception] loses his own self-respect. He may not be conscious that God sees him and is acquainted with every business transaction, that holy angels are weighing his motives and listening to his words, and that his reward will be according to his works; but if it were possible to conceal his wrongdoing from human and divine inspection, the fact that he himself knows it is degrading to his mind and character. One act does not determine the character, but it breaks down the barrier, and the next temptation is more readily entertained, until finally a habit of prevarication and dishonesty in business is formed, and the man cannot be trusted. {AH 392.2}
Although it may not immediately appear to be so, self respect is the usual casualty of dishonesty.
Cameron A. Bowen
